Friday, March 18, 2011

the shings and other things.

before you read this, you might get grossed out, i'm being a little transparent here, so here it goes.
i have the shings. and when i say the shings what i really mean is shingles.
i know, eww.
first thought? am i going to die?
second thought? isn't this what sailors get?
no natalie. that's scurvy.
shingles is an extremely painful, itchy, uncomfortable dormant type of chicken pox that appears in one place on your body, usually around the waist area. i found it on the back of my neck. which is a good thing because it doesn't hurt as bad as other people's have in other places.
think light sunburn + someone punched you in the shoulder and neck + muscle aches + itchyness.
i was diagnosed by my professional doctor judy, who has seen it before. she's a mom. she knows all.
anyways this virus is brought upon by stress, lack of sleep, and the sun. i presently have a sore throat and three inflamed lymph nodes around my neck and back. you can't really contract it from people unless you rub your blistered skin all up in their grill.
yes, all up in their grill. don't worry, i'm secretly black.
but this illness makes you super tired and not feeling 100%. luckily i have a mild case, and caught it before it began to look like this:
 mine looks more like this.
grossed out yet?
anyways, i don't find it weird that out of all the thing i could have gotten sick from, its one of those that happen because of stress. God seriously has a sense of humor.
about a couple of years ago i developed anxiety. it was seriously a blow to my pride of "having it altogether." i mean i was in control. i didn't drink, cuss, smoke, or anything else that college kids do. i was attending a Bible College, maintained good grades, and was a RA over 6 girls. i had never had a boyfriend, so i didn't mess up in that department. to the world i was pretty much perfect. i took pride in myself, way too much pride that i had it altogether. God humbled me and rocked my world ever since.
when you realize that you have something like anxiety or depression, or anything that means that "i have issues" when you are known and know yourself as 'having it all together' it is humbling, confusing, and humbling. did i mention humbling? i tried everything i knew how to do to deny this 'anxiety thing' even believing that i didn't have anxiety, but something else that was affecting my health and appetite.  i had lost 14 pounds in two weeks, couldn't keep anything down, and was shaking uncontrollably for a month. i had an endoscopy. they found nothing, put me on medication, and all got better over a period of two weeks. it was all here and gone. 
i have an anxiety problem. but the more i learn about it the more that i find pretty much every woman i know has it to some degree. i can be perfectly fine one week, and have a little panic attack without thinking i am worrying about anything the next week.
here's where the humility comes in. having anxiety means that i have to take care of myself. once i get in the groove of school, work, and social life i make myself busier and busier. i take on things that are too much for my little brain to handle and i get stressed out. God allowed me to have this problem, not to 'give me what i deserve' because i'm so prideful about myself, but to make myself treat me like He treats me. 
if there's one thing i've learned through dealing with anxiety its that i have to rest. the only difference between pre-anxiety me and now is that i accept who God has made me and have (and still am) cut the chains of legalism. i know that i am loved beyond measure, and that is enough.
i have to have lazy days, i don't have to make straight a's or have perfect relationships with guys. its ok that i mess up all the time, and its ok that i "have issues." for real, y'all we all do. 
this shingles virus has me in my bed, watching alias, and doing some real relaxing. God must have known that i would have filled my spring break up with plans and not allowed myself to recoup from a stressful semester. 
i want to get school work done, i want to go to the beach, i want to clean, babysit and fill my schedule with busyness. God was whispering in my ear, "slow down, child or I'll make you slow down. I'll make you love yourself like I love you, ill make you let Me love on you."
fine God. ill let go. just show me how you love on me.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30

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I'm a sister, a daughter, a student, an aspiring museum exhibit developer, an Auntie Nattles to two precious babes, and a Nanny Nats to others. Above all, I am a Christ-follower. A sister, a friend, a lover, a possession, a daughter, and a woman, redeemed and accepted by the gracious and forever love of Christ. The purpose of this blog is to illustrate the latter and paint a picture for you and I to recognize and enjoy the mysterious, glorious, and timely wonders of the Lord among you all. Then Joshua said to the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you." Joshua 3:5

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