but i don't wanna.

i know i got some work to do.
and i don't wanna do it. in the personal growth section of my life, i've got some serious work to do.

singleness may be considered a plague to some, but God uses it in a way to bring me closer to Him and to get me busy working on myself.
"and the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. and this i say for your own benefit; not to put a restrain upon you, but to promote what is seemly, and secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. " 1 corinthians 7
does God love marriage? heck yeah! does God love singleness? absolutely.
singleness isn't meant to be a plague or time to sulk in loneliness and what-could-have-beens.
its a time to work on me. its me and God time. only us.
a time to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord before i have devotion to the Lord and my husband.
lately God, has shown me areas in my life where i need His help in pruning. there is blackness, there is hurt, insecurity, and other things i need to work on before i become 'distracted.' these things are hard, they pierce, and they are very real.
but i need to get rid of them.
but i don't wanna. my plans were to have this summer care free, lazy, and whimsical. to be rejuvenated by relaxing days at the beach.

then God said, "daughter, you're doing work this summer. on yourself. you can still relax, but you have undistracted time right here where it can be just you and Me kid. and I'm going to use this time to your advantage, and my glory. I'm going to sharpen and prune you. I'm going to get rid of the things that don't look like Me. I'm going to heal you this summer."

fine, God. you're right, a part of me doesn't wanna, but you're right.